Another Jokes 4 Today ;] Enjoy!!!

Juan: Pre... namatayin kami ng kamag-anak, alam mo ba kung magkano magpacremate?

Pedro: Oo, P30,000 tol.. dun kasi nagttrabaho pinsan ko...

Juan: Naku! pano ngayon yan? P15,000 lang ang budget namin para sa cremation...

Pedro: Pwede parin tol...

Juan: ows?

Pedro: OO... kaso Half Cook...


























Di ba porket BAGSAK bobo, di ba pedeng tamad o walang inspirasyon? wahahhaha


















Gwapo: hey miss? may boyfriend ka ba?

Girl: (kinilig,nagblush) hmm, wala.. bakit?
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Gwapo: hahaha, buti pa ako meron! :))

Girl: ,,/,,






























“Kahit anong gawin mo, mananatili ako rito”
-Templates

“Sige, txt lang! Magre-reply ako agad!”
-Balance Inquiry

“Dati sa akin ka nakatingin, pero noong nasanay ka na, bakit sa kanya na?”
-Keypad, nagseselos sa Screen

“Ganyan ka naman eh! Nilalapitan mo lang ako kapag hindi mo na kaya!”
-Charger

“Bakit ganun? Ako na lang ba lagi ang magbibigay? Eh kahit kelan hindi pa ako nakakatanggap!”
-Sent Items

“Lagi na lang ba akong kailangang hingiin at pagpasa-pasahan?”
-Quotes


























REASONS KUNG BAKIT HINDI TAYO MAKAPAG-ARAL NG MABUTI

Sabi nila, "It's not the student's fault if he fails in his subjects."

Bakit naman? Sagot nila, "Because the year only has 365 days."

And when you take these factors/things into consideration...

1.) Sundays: 52 Sundays in a year. Sunday is rest day. therefore...

Days left: 313.

2.) Summer: 50 days of very hot weather. mahirap daw mag-aral kapag mainit.

Days left: 263.

3.) Sleep: Kailangan ng 8 hours araw-araw, hindi ba? Calculate, this equals to 130 days.

Days left: 141.

4.) Relaxation: Kailangan mo ng isang oras per day, sabi nila. (good for health) means 15 days.

Days left: 126.

5.) Pagkain - tatlong meals, snacktime, 2 hours estimate para doon. dapat chew properly). Bilangin mo, equal to 30 days.

Days left: 96.

6) Chit-Chat: "man is a social animal". so sabihin na nating isang oras per araw kang nakikipang-chikahan. means 15 days.

Days left: 81.

7.) Exams: per year, mga 35 exam days.

Days left: 46.

8.) Festivals/holidays/araw para sa RALLY o MOB: 37 days.

Balance: 9 days.

9.) Illness: nagkakasakit ka rin naman minsan, hindi ba? Sabihin na nating apat na araw kada taon.

Remaining days: 5.

10.) Organization: siyempre may mga org activities pa. So 4 na araw para dun, sabihin natin.

1 day left.

11.) Tapos, that 1 day is your birthday. how can you study at that day?

Natitirang araw: 0,

none!!

"SO, san mo isisingit ngayon ang pag-aaral?"

oo nga naman XD

joke of the DAY

Anak: Itay, ano kaibahan ng confident sa confidential?
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Itay: Anak kita, CONFIDENT ako dyan. Yung bespren mong si Tikboy, anak ko rin, CONFIDENTIAL yan.

Girl: Snatcher ka ba?
Boy: Eh, alam ko na yan eh. Kase ninakaw ko puso mo?
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Girl: Asa ka naman, kamukha mo yung snatcher na nakita ko kanina eh! Kaw yun no?!
















Sa korte:

Attorney: Nasaan ka nang mangyari ang rape?

Witness: Sa maisan po.

Attorney: Anong ginagawa mo dun?

Witness: Tumae po.

Attorney: Ilang hakbang ka mula sa krimen?

Witness: Aba, ewan! May tumatae bang pahakbang-hakbang?

oo nga naman
























Paano kung ang mga PULIS ay gumagamit ng BEKI WORDS ?
MAY HOLDAPAN….

Pulis 1 : Hoy ateng ! Nanditey na si DARNA ! Sumuko ever ka na ! Super surroundings ka namin teh !

Holdaper : Wit ! Keri ko kayo teh ! Tumbang preso yan si DARNA saken !

Pulis 1 : Ay echuserang froglet ka ha ! Mga bakla sugod na tayis !

Pulis 2 : Oh narinig nyo si Mother Earth ! Gora na mga bayot ! PUSHHHHH !






















Boy: Ibuka Mo! Ano ba?
Girl: Yoko! Hirap eh..
Boy: Ibuka Mo! Sige na!
Girl: Basang-basa na ako! Ikaw na.
Boy: Tigas naman ne'to!
Girl: Ahhh!!
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Boy: Nabuka na rin!
pesteng PAYONG ITO, ang hirap buksan!






















sbi ng baklang naka mini skirt..
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di bale kita ang LEGS :))
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wag lang ang EGGS :))






















pinoy henyo
A: tao?
B: pwede
A: hayop?
B:pwede
A: lugar?
B: pwede
A: pagkain?
B: pwede

jollibee :D 
























Kapag ang dalawang tao, nagmamahalan...

sila ay LOVE BIRDS.

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pero

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Kung ang dalawang tao, nag-aaway...

sila ay ANGRY BIRDS

Universe Pageant..

Ms. Universe Pageant!
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Ms. Venezuela – ola viola kaserola saranggola tinola arinola ni lola VENEZUELA!
Ms. Norway – anywy highwy expressway theres no other way NORWAY!
Ms. Hungary – gutom ka gutom ako gutom tayong lhat HUNGARY!
………Ms. Kenya – hndi syo hndi sakin knino siya? KENYA!
Ms. Philippines – mula sa lupaing kulang sa bigas mtaas ang gas sandamakmak ang mandurugas PILIPINAS!

by:Manuel Lorenzo Delos Santos Donato

TOUCHING LUMPIA

This is for all the Filipinos out there, and those who are lucky enough to have Filipino friends, those who have Filipino spouses and those who have Filipino next door neighbors.

The story goes like this:

An elderly foreigner lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite food, Filipino Lumpia.

Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands he crawled to the kitchen.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. For there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite food, LUMPIA .

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Filipino wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture…his parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the lumpia was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.

The aged and withered hand trembled on to a lumpia,

when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife:

PINOY JOKES!!!!

----------"Dad: Gabi na! Bakit ngayon ka lang umuwi? Anak: Dad, not now please. Im tired. Dami 


projects, dami events sa school, nag-meeting pa kami with the Dean. - - - Dad: Magtigil ka 


nga! Kinder ka pa lang










HIGH SCHOOL LINES Sa di paawat n kalokohan. CUTTING TAYO Sa gitna ng kahirapan,


SINONG MAY PAPEL Oh, sa wla na tlgang maisip. OI! MAY SAGOT PAKOPYA AH Time ng


uwian. ENGENG POLBO Umulan,umaraw o bumagyo man GALA TAYO Sino bang


makakalimut sa linyang. YES! WALANG PASOK At para s masayang alaala,ang tunay na


BARKADA AT PANGHABANG BUHAY NA KATROPA HiGHSCHOOL LiFE iS FUN, so enjoy it 


because it is only 4 years. But it will live in our memories forever.








 PAG DATING SA LOVE: Parents : ang BATA-BATA mo pa. - - - - - - - PAGDATING SA


 GAWAING BAHAY: Parents : ang TANDA-TANDA mo na. AGREE ?












BOY : Ganda ng lips mo .. GIRL : Thanks .. BOY : Ganda ng Eyes mo .. GIRL : Thanks :”> BOY : Ganda ng Face mo .. GIRL : Of Course! :”> BOY : Lahat maganda sayo .. GIRL : I know right? > BOY : Buti ka pa ipinanganak na Good Looking samantalang ako .. SINUNGALING !!!! 






















NANAY: anak hugasan mu yung isda … bilis … ANAK: anu ba yan , utos na naman WTF !!! …. NANAY: anu ?? What The F*** ??? ANAK: hindi ,…… Where’s The Fish sus! maayoha og ali’bay :






























Breakup Story.. Girl: Hi Baby .. Boy: Hi My lovely .. (Sending failed) Girl : Are you here? Boy: Yes Yes I’m here (Sending failed) Girl: Are you ignoring me or what!!? Boy: Honey im not… Im right here… :/ (Sending failed) Girl: It’s over. Dont you ever talk to me again! Boy: Damn ! Go to hell :@ ( Message Sent


























INA:Anak tawagan mo nga tatay mo,tanungin mo bakit wala pa siya hanggang ngayon. BALONG:cge nay!.nay babae naman ang sumagot INA:Lintik!!!sabi ko na nga, may tinatago yang tatay mo, eh! Anong sabi? BALONG: “You only have one peso in your account…” Hindi ko natinapos, Nay, mukhang matapobre, eh!Nag Ienglish pa siya di ko na alam kung ano isasagot ko eh






























Inday.. Kasama ang Amo sa Sementeryo.. Inday: Mam, lahat pu pala ng nakalibing ditu.. Ginahasa.. Amo: Pano mo naman nalaman Inday? Inday: Tegnan nyu pu ung Lapeda.. Nakasulat.. RIP
































May mag syota na di na nagkita ng 2 months.. then 1 day nagkita silla ulit.. ang unang tanong ng girl sa boy.. “MAHAL MO PA BA AKO?” Hindi nakasagot ang boy. ang ginawa niya.. kinuha nya ang kamay ng girl sabay itinapat sa kanyang dibdib. At duon napaiyak yung girl.. kasi may boobs na pala ang bruka ! mujer na pala siya=)

BOY : Ganda ng lips mo ..
GIRL : Thanks ..

BOY : Ganda ng Eyes mo ..
GIRL : Thanks :”>

BOY : Ganda ng Face mo ..
GIRL : Of Course! :”>

BOY : Lahat maganda sayo ..
GIRL : I know right? >

BOY : Buti ka pa ipinanganak na Good Looking samantalang ako ..
SINUNGALING !!!!